Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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