i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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