Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
