I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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