I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize