I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize