Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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