I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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