Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
