Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
