i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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