youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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