A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
