I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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