2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
