Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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