I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
