so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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