You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
from now on my penis is your penis
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize