I want you more than these girls want KFC
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
