eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
