rhymes with "ouble enetration"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
