if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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