How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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