"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
