Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
