Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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