i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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