$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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