i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
