My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
MIDGETS
????
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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