I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
