he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
