i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
