Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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