I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
