Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize