Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
