No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
