found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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