Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's just like the Real World with babies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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