If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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