I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
