God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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