My ATM looks so different sober.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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