with your own penis?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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