my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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