I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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