i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
