Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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