Quick, to the slutcave!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
