It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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