About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
