Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
