hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
