Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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