Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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