I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
