i permit you to call me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
