I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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