life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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