i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
