I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
