i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In other news, I just burned my penis
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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